The entire thing was charged and dramatic and beautiful and big. I was certain that he was one of my soul mates and that we were meant to run into one another in this life at this exact time. But as the insanity of it played out, as I heard myself repeating the sad epic to my friends and I watched their concerned expressions betray what they wouldn't dare say to me (YOU ARE ACTING FUCKING CRAZY), as I watched myself engage in something that was so disrespectful to core of my being I could literally hear the scar tissue on my heart thicken and my self-confidence crackle, I found myself desperately wanting escape from it entirely. She writes him a letter describing this scene and tells him it would be the last time she ever wrote his name in the sand. I stood up, trying not to vomit, now topless and barefoot, and went to my closet to take further inventory. The teddy bear and earrings for the couple on the stoop. That would be an annoying conclusion and completely betray the point and the lesson not to mention my feminist convictions. Imagine that they are simply present to hear what you need to say, and say all you need to. Over the course of the year, his number was saved under various pseudonyms." and before I knew it I was digging through the phone to the blocked caller list, unblocking whatever name I had him saved as, and texting."I miss you.""I miss your face.""I want to sit on your face.""Have you read this book? And approximately 48 hours later, we would be right back to the hateful verbal vomit. The scene came on where Cheryl is on a beach and writes her ex-husband's name in the sand one last time and then erases it. Even the socks on my feet had man-juju (because every guy I've ever dated also wears Champion socks from Costco). It's not so much that I cleared a toxic relationship, and another man entered. Light a candle or burn sage or frankincense oil, set up a mini alter with your support team (you can use any item that brings you support - I brought my copy of A Course In Miracles, my Hanuman statue, a picture of Yogi Bhajan and Jesus Christ, a rock my friend gave me, and my cat's ashes), and put on something that makes you feel elevated - white is a great color to wear. Sit before your mini alter on a pillow or floor cushion or folded blanket (or sheep skin if you have one), and call in the person you are trying to release as if they are there with you.
Unhealthy situationships are the bane of my existence. Because they're complicated and someone always gets emotionally hurt. As much as you and I both wish that life was about people waiting around to have sex with you they also lead lives. Explore your fantasies, be real and don't be self conscience about your body.
You may agree with most and disagree with a few, but if you've ever been an FWB you know exactly what I'm talking about. I didn't make the rules but I do want to share them with you; so, pony up, take a read and add your own #FWBrules in the comments below.
Some FWB arrangements work best with the no sleep-over rule and some require it, especially if you're coming in from out of town or you both pass out from the Grey Goose. No pre-planning is allowed to happen prior to 72 hours before said hook-up. Well, because it's hot; but, have an agreement on sharing dirty pics that you're both comfortable with. FWBs are the best guinea pigs to try out that tongue flick you just read about or that pick-up line because it's about having fun, letting go and breaking all the naughty rules. If your relationship is becoming toxic to either of you or you're no longer interested then cutting it off by having an adult conversation is really the best and respectable move. It can mean something or, it can mean nothing - just try to stay on the same page and keep it cool. Once you invite a genuine FWB into your inner circle things change. Debated -- no contact 24 hours after the royal romp, unless it's to be polite and say "thanks for a fun night" or "I had a really good time, we should do it again sometime".
For over a year, I've been enmeshed in what I'd call a really long tortuous break-up from a relationship that never existed. We met, we swooned, we fucked, we fought, we ended. You can close the ceremony by chanting "Kali Durge Namo Namah" which calls on the deities Kali and Durga, who are goddesses known to protect you from evil and to help to powerfully remove and cut through what is no longer serving you.
And if I didn't do it right this time, if I just buried him in some explosive dramatic parting, even if he went away there would be another incarnation. When you are done, thank them, wish them well and send them love, and say goodbye.