The Dalai Lama once said, “It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.” I have never lost a spouse and will never pretend to know what it feels like, but I am an optimistic person.
I’d like to think that if my husband passed, I’d spend the time I needed to mourn, and then I would realize that life and love are beautiful things.
However, dating should not be a therapy session, according to Keogh.
If you find yourself needing to have lengthy conversations about your late spouse and your grief, invest in professional help rather than unloading an emotional burden on to your date.
For the first year after her husband Mort died of cancer, Mary Childs, now 68, looked mainly to her two sisters and her quilting friends for comfort and a social connection.”I couldn’t do much more than that," says the Lakewood, CO, retired nurse.
”On the one occasion that I attended a couples’ function with friends from our past, I was totally uncomfortable.” Indeed, many people who lose a spouse often feel like when it comes to socializing, it's a couples' world.
When it comes to bringing up your widow status, that conversation depends on a lot of factors. I’d like to think it’s possible to have more than one true love in your life.
If you meet a man who is a widower, then you’re going to get a whole lot more empathy and understanding. I’d like to think it’s possible to always behold the memory of your husband and realize that you deserve the chance to be happy again.
One day you will wake up and no longer feel like the weight of the world is on your chest.Abel Keogh, author of several books on dating after the death of a spouse, wrote in “Dating a Widower” that the right timeframe for one person might be several weeks, while for another it could be several months or years.Other people might have their own ideas about how long you should grieve before dating, but since grief is an individual process, you’re the only one who really knows when you’re ready. I’ve fallen in love with a man who is kind, considerate, respectful, loving, caring and so passionate and supportive about me being me. We spent a night with his mom and step-dad, his brother and his sister-in-law and his niece and nephews.