Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. FML Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site. He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home...Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. FML Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". FML Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. " The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home).
And it was thought that all space carding species used magic for FTL. He managed not to blow chunks, but crapped his pants in the process. FML Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with.She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. FML Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know.