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I’m going about my afternoon pleasantly, when I open my email and a friend has forwarded me what she calls a particularly heinous Facebook status from her news feed, written by someone we’ll call Daniel. I left my amazing job at NBC to move back to Chicago. I started yoga (thanks Jake Fisher & Jonah Perlstein! This process slots the author into one of four sub-categories: Core reasons for posting: Loneliness; Narcissism; Thinking a status update is supposed to be an actual status update Allow me to present a visual— “Finally finished my paper! Finishing your paper is green territory on the above chart, or if you had been working on it for a couple months, it might scrape the outer edges of the orange. I suppose it’s nice that Facebook gives a lonely person someone to tell their day to, and if these statuses didn’t come with the byproduct of reminding everyone else that life is meaningless and they’re gonna die someday, they wouldn’t have to be on this list.
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