Five-times-married Jan Leeming claimed in Femail last week that internet dating has given her a new lease of life - and she's not alone. There's more chance of winning the Lottery on a double rollover week than there is of being a woman over 35 and getting a date on the internet. Her brain cannot process the words: 'I don't think you're quite right for me.'LIKES THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE Gold digger. WILLING TO TRAVEL Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can't possibly let you see. NORMAL KIND OF GUY Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. NEVER DONE THIS Have done this a thousand times before, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you're my first. Your date will be a riot of whoopee cushions, itching powder and fake-dogpoo-filled fun.A staggering 65 per cent of British singletons now turn to the internet looking for love. It doesn't matter if the guy is 60, he'll still confine his searches to '35 and under', so any woman's age should be taken as a ball park figure. Working her way through the internet site and it's your turn. Looking for a new wardrobe, jewellery and a few weekends away before she dumps you for a 25-year-old Adonis. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one. LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT Barrel-scraping beggar who can't afford to be a chooser.5ft 10 5ft 7.Home-made mince pies compared with shop-bought ones are as different as Kate Middleton is from Katie Price.Just look at them: unlike the showy height of blowsy manufactured specimens, home-made are demurely pretty, made as they are in discreet little bun tins.The image is poignant, funny and ever-so-slightly ridiculous.
Posh, middle-aged, and utterly un-PC, they cooked with mountains of lard, mixed ingredients using fat fingers clad in chunky jewels, and were wont to nip out for a fag and, in Jennifer’s case, a swig of whisky mid-preparation.And they certainly stayed in touch once the cameras stopped rolling.Clarissa claimed she spoke to Jennifer on the telephone most days in the weeks before her death, and took her a jar of caviar on the day she died — but was too late.“He has to prove how big and bad he is,” said 18-year-old Breanna Blake, who is black.Blake recalled how Fields threw her off a bus after she and her sister got into a shouting match with some other girls. Junior Drew Pickrel, 17, said that when he was busted after a pocket knife fell out of his backpack Fields was “completely nice” and patiently explained why he had to arrest him.